My grandma is really in to “signs” – you know like the universe/God is confirming an idea of hers.  Recently, she was considering going on a vacation to florida and she was telling me how like every website she went to had an advertisement for a florida vacation on it…clearly a “sign” that she was suppose to book the vacation.  I’m still working on a way to tell her how internet cookies work.

 

I think about the most humiliating death for a crow would be to get hit by one of those SmartCars.  I say this because I saw a SmartCar almost kill a crow this morning and after the crow escaped, he looked around to see if any other crows had seen.

 

I want an iPhone, but I don’t want anyone else to know it’s an iPhone.  I want the functionality, without the judgment.

 

Public Announcement: The crosswalk is not equivalent to a catwalk.  It isn’t your moment in the spotlight, your opportunity to readjust your man-purse or to confirm your latte is soy.  So get your ass across to the sidewalk so I can turn the corner.

 

I wonder why common sense ain’t so common anymore.

 

Sometimes I like to play a came called, IF I WAS A POLITICIAN.  So, If I was a politician…I would fine phonebook companies for every phonebook they leave on doorsteps.  Everyone has the internet and trees take a while to grow.

 

 

 This weeks sign that Americans are fiscally dumber than I thought.  There is now a company called Wedding Payment Plan, which is in business exclusively to finance weddings.  It is growing like a weed.

 

Instructional manual for HOW TO GET SWINE FLU IN ONE HOUR: push the elevator buttons, put your hands on the escalator, push the big revolving doors, push the crosswalk button, stand and hold the overhead rail on the bus, pull the “stop requested” cord, pay the bus driver, punch in your keycode to your apartment, open the door, push the elevator buttons, drive to Fred Meyer, push the shopping cart, get a corndog and lick the ketchup off your finger.  It took about two seconds after I licked my finger to consider how bad of an idea that was.